27 Funny Birthday Quotes for Women

*You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. (change as appropriate)
-Author Unknown

*Actually, I wanted to get you something super great, super terrific, unique and beautiful for your birthday, but I don’t fit into the envelope. -Author Unknown

*Age is a number and mine is unlisted.-Author Unknown

*Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. -Daniel Francois Esprit Auber 

*Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.- Jennifer Yane

*Youth is the gift of nature, but age is the work of art. -Garson Kanin

*It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen. -Bridgitte Bardot

*Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
-Coco Chanel

*Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them. -Anna Magnani

*A woman is like a tea bag. It's only when she's in hot water that you realize how strong she is.
-Nancy Reagan

*Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.  -Charles Schultz 

*Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.- Author Unknown

*Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -Jack Benny 

*Don't make a big fuss over my birthday-just give me cash and I'll be fine. -Anonymous

*Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I need an upgrade.-Author Unknown

*A woman is no older than she looks. -French Proverb

*A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but knows what she's going to exchange it for. -Author Unknown

*They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.-Author Unknown

*I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. -Eva Gabor

*A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.- Author Unknown

*Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. -Martin Buxbaum

*Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. - Author Unknown

*Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.- Author Unknown

*When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64. - Author Unknown

*The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there. -Betty Grable

*The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. -Lucille Ball

*You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. -Bob Hope (If these calculations are correct .. you won't be old for many, many years.) 

*Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it. -Golda Meir

*A man (or woman) who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. -Muhammad Ali

21 Funny Birthday Quotes

Are you looking for a humorous birthday quote to write in a card or on your friend's facebook wall? Here are a few of the ones I found on the Internet.
 
1. Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. - Tom Wilson

2. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. – Charles Schulz, cartoonist

3. A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. - unknown

4. To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am. -unknown

5. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Father Larry Lorenzoni

6. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.- Robert Frost

7. When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.- Mark Twain

8. A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. -Muhammad Ali

9. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Kitty Collins

10. Old age is not for sissies.- Malcolm Forbes

11. And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.- Abraham Lincoln

12. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.- Larry Lorenzoni

13.Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.- unknown

14. When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm five I'll be 64. - unknown

15. Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. - Martin Buxbaum

16. Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.- Dave Barry

17.You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years’ experience. -unknown

18. You always have such fun birthdays; you should have one every year. -unknown

19. There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

20. You will soon start a new phase of life! But that can wait until you are older. Enjoy another year of being young. Happy Birthday.- unknown 

21. Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
      Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
      Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one! -unknown